There are all sorts of comments and positions out there on why people should stay away from online dating. Top on the list is the safety concern. People have met serial rapists and killers online. How about dupes? There are those who only want to separate you from your money, and they are online. Then, you also have those who think dating online makes you appear “cheap” or “desperate”.
What are the basics? As long as people have need for affection and companionship, there will always be the need for dating. Those who say online dating makes one appear cheap or desperate are not in disagreement with the position that the need to date exists. They are only of the opinion that the traditional ways of meeting trumps the online method, but I beg to disagree.
Inasmuch as there is nothing tragically wrong with the traditional methods so called, this is 2013, and a lot of social dynamics have thrown up newer and more efficient ways of meeting potential partners. Not everyone wants to do the bar route; picking up total strangers for the night. That carries a lot of risks along with it, plus, not everyone drinks. If you therefore do not drink or smoke, you may not find the bar scene very helpful.
It is still OK to be introduced to potential partners, but not everyone wants to do it because some of them think, if it doesn’t work, they will get the blame, especially since people have all sorts of values these days and a lot of which may not be known to the “introducer”, but which may shock the person meeting the “introducee”. It can be a source of embarrassment down the road. At the same time and possibly for the same reason, this pool of people worthy of being introduced is rather dry. It is not the most fertile ground for sowing the seeds of relationships.
There are the possibilities of meeting people while out grocery shopping. Granted that people out shopping may be single, but it is never written on the forehead and not every married person wears the ring. You are therefore left to first wonder if he or she is taken. If you can reasonably deduce they are free and available, then you can make a move; by which time the magic may have passed, unless you both went “grocery shopping” for the sole purpose of meeting someone.
Dupes. How about them? I have always maintained that in order to be duped on the Internet, you have to be foolish, greedy or both. It is wrong to want to reap where you did not sow, or take advantage of others. However, the person who is hoping to assist a criminal to get away with stolen stash and for personal gain is not a saint either. We only get to hear their cry after they have been duped. Who did they tell when they were hoping to make millions off a stranger on the Internet? No easy money anywhere. Work for your money. Don’t expect any manna from heaven and you will be free of Internet fraudsters asking for your bank accounts and all that.
There are some things that you just know is you or not. From experience, I know it is possible for a Nigerian man to have a wife and children back home, but pretend like he is single in the UK, USAor wherever. We like to brag about their accomplishments; fake or real. They can tell you they own a mansion when they are renting a room. A lot of ladies are not upfront about their age or location. Their profiles are full of misrepresented facts (a pseudonym for “lies”). So, they can lie like a dog to get into your pants or have you sponsor them out of Nigeria. However, I am almost 100% sure you will not find a serial killer or rapist here on MN; both male and female. Generally speaking therefore, if all the loss you face from your relationship is finding out they were liars, I suppose you could count your blessings, cut your losses and move on, because some others don’t even live to tell the tale. And it is not about whether you met them online or not.
I am of the opinion that, given the way the society is, our work schedules and myriad of activities we have choked ourselves with, the Internet presents the easiest and safest way of meeting a potential partner. There are a few sensible steps to take and you can have a ball with Internet dating.
Be realistic. Don’t expect too much or too soon. Any form of dating is about knowing the other person, and it takes a while. It is a process. Don’t let pressure from family and friends make you do what you ought not to, or enter into a relationship just to meet their expectation. You may or may not meet your future partner here, but you can make other life friends here. People come into your life for diverse reasons. You have other friends of the opposite sex but you are not married to all of them, right? But these are people you can talk to if you need to talk to someone; or call to help you move, if you are relocating; or ask advice about some things you have no clue how to handle. I have made some friends here over time. We still talk and share ideas. They have no problems calling me if they need help and vice versa. Whatever you do, don’t put yourself under the pressure to meet someone and make it work at all cost. I read people’s profile and they say it has to be “serious”; “if you are a player, just stay away”, and so on. Players will not admit it to you; neither will they stay away because you said so. Just relax and face them with a level head. You are likely to spot them faster that way and what you do after that is up to you. Women often spot players but refuse to let them go because they think they have at least found someone, or they think they are in love.
Unlike the person you met at the grocery shop, every person on MN must say upfront what they are looking for and whether it is serious or not. Whether it is the truth or not is another matter altogether, but at least you have a starting point. No guesses. Someone may say they are looking for something serious in the beginning but you found out later that they only wanted to play. Again, at least you knew they wanted something. In other words, those who don’t want drenching splashes should not go near the river.
The next thing is to reach out. It does not matter whether you are a man or woman. You see someone that “rings your bell”, reach out to them. What is the worst that can happen? It is possible they have not noticed your presence. Don’t forget there are a lot of people here (of both sexes), and contrary to your imagination, the world does not revolve around you. It is your responsibility to make yourself visible to your “target” and others that even you have not noticed. No one lights a candle, then covers it with a bucket. Be visible.
To be continued...