Amal stared at the screen. Thinking about the last text message on her phone. Even closing her eyes would not shut out the pain. How do you stop loving because he can't love you. How do you make believe that he's leaving because it's best? How is leaving the best for anyone? It's no use...he's gone and that's that.
She picked up the phone for the umpteenth time to check if he had sent another message. This time to say he had made a mistake, that he couldn't live without her. Again, the screen was blank. That little envelope in the corner that she had so hoped for was nowhere in sight. She smiled, since when did a smile start to hurt so so bad?
Could she blame him, really? Considering everything? Maybe he's right...but right now it hurts so bad. ''When will the lump in my throat melt away''? She wondered.
She stretched and looked up at the ceiling, her mind racing back in time to that very first day. Way past midnight and lacking sleep, she had pulled out her Mac Book from the night stand and logged on straight to Facebook. Having lingered on for a while and put out a few flat posts, she decided to see which of her nocturnal friends were on skype. Again no excitement there. Being the mischievous person that she was, she searched for users online to see if anyone she knew and wanted to talk to was online. Raymond, her ex boss? No! Aminatu, her cousin ? Definite NO NO!... and the list went on. Getting bored but still scrolling, his name popped up. Not familiar but for some reason, her eyes lingered on and the cursor found it's way to his profile, then to the chat icon; then her hands as if on their own accord typed . And he responded. They chatted almost all night. He was full of humour and wit, a combination that most women find that yet irresistible. They went on like old friends till the wee hours.
Later that morning, as she plastered layers of make-up to mask the bags under her eyes, Amal mused to herself that it was a night well-spent. She pushed her memory to venture as far back as possible, still she couldn't remember when any man had captivated her so intensely with sheer words. She had laughed truly, madly and deeply that night. He had her on her toes, he had her wrapped around his little finger, he had her where no man could put her...It was to her, a very new experience.
It wasn't the first time she had picked up someone to talk to on the net, but it was the 3rd time she didn't block the creep right after to keep him from ever coming back. And that's because they always thought the only reason a girl would chat with a total stranger was because she was lonely and in need of a man. Amal was lonely sometimes, but definitely not needing a man in any capacity.
Divorced for over two years, she had learned to keep her needs basic and her mind focused on the big picture. As her new online friend Maimouna from Central Africa told her, ''keep your head held high and rise above each tide. To do that you must keep away from trouble''. Amal recalled the bitter custody battle for the kids and said a silent prayer for her victory, albeit temporary and the conditions that followed.
Her mind drifted back to him. He was at least two decades older and twice as much fun to talk to. It took all her will not to log on to skype to look for him at work. Once at home and done with the day's chores, she set out to look for her new exciting friend.
Days, months passed and chat turned into occasional phone calls. He became a pleasant addiction.
Hearing from him became the highlights of her days. One day, it dawned on her that even though their conversations were confined to neutral grounds she realized that every time she heard his voice, there was a warm rush traveling slowly all through her.
Time passed before she admitted she was falling for this faceless, tender, funny person she called her friend. Not knowing what to do, she decided to nurse her new found feelings and keep them a secret. She was afraid of scaring him. Besides if she could just keep him where she had him, talking to him once in a while, sharing music and stories and comforting each other, it was ok with her. She basked in the warmth of her new friend and life was good...just like LG.
Amal's panic began soon after.
