Loud Silence
Zahra Z
Pages:
6
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16Page 2 of 6
He began to call less and was hardly ever online, or so it seemed. Amal felt she had given her feelings away somehow and he'd read the warning signs. She waited patiently for the halt sign as it became increasingly obvious that her new joy was slipping away. When the message came, it wasn't a blow...just a dull ache which came with facing the inevitable. She wished there was a way to make him understand that all she needed was the camaraderie, warmth and solace that came with knowing she had a friend in him. How could she make him understand how much he'd come to mean to her and there was nothing physical about it? How could she make him see that she'd come to depend so much on the fact that outside family and work, all she had was him? And that there was no catch to it. There was no way to let him know that friends meant more to some than others and he'd come to become what she felt was her social life.
Alone was not new to her. It would stop hurting once the dull ache eased through and the lump in her throat made it's way out.
She felt a warm streak roll unto her lips and tasted the salt in her own tears. There was so much she wanted to share with him. So much she had held back hoping for a chance to meet him, take a long walk in a place she was absolutely sure was one of his favourites and had been hers for a while now. She had visualized the walk so many times late at night when sleep wouldn't come. It would have been free, idle and calm. They would have talked about everything under the sun, picked wild shrubs as they walked near the hedges and stopped over the little bridge to share comfortable silence as they watched the water below. They would have sat half way through the course as she often did on when tired; on the grass and shared funny stories. They would've swapped pictures of their kids and walked the rest of the way on a natural high, euphoric from being totally at peace with one another. It was to be picture- perfect. Just two people sharing a sunset, a moment in their lives together. A bond beyond lust and time and logic.
So much for hoping, she mused as a sad smile swept her face and she wiped the tears. Not being much of a fighter, Amal resolved herself to fate after sending two messages with no response. Rejection. She was on familiar turf. It was going to be okay. She decided there and then that she'd never walk in her favourite place for fear of wishing him there. She'd find a new sanctuary and when she did, it would be hers alone this time.
Later that night, as the pain inside her chest throbbed on, Amal got up and prayed for divine guidance and deeply sought closure. Not given to theatrics, she surprised herself by breaking down and weeping for a man she knew yet didn't know. By morning, she was feeling better and a little stupid. Positive!
